My Heart's Secrets ;)

Today was one of the most stressful days of my entire life. I had 3 tests and a quiz today. & I have a quiz and a test tomorrow too. What are these teachers thinking? Biology test wasn't as hard as I thought it was gonna be, so that's good. Geometry test was multiple choice; it kinda reminded me of my Trig. teacher's tests. Church History is what killed me. I had no idea we could use notecards (cus I wasn't here yesterday; I was helping those less fortunate @ St. Anthony's, jeez). & I missed the game where I coulda earned extra points! :( So I'm disappointed at that. Spanish is just a breeze. I don't really have to study for that class, but I guess I do anyways. That didn't really make sense. During church history, I saw "his" picture & after that, I couldn't stop thinking about "him" all day. Gaah. Why is he still running through my mind? This shouldn't be happening. Nobody can understand what went on & what I go through. If only I could muster up the courage to tell him how I feel...oh but then I would look stupid. Dad told me today that people are shy cus they're prideful. That didn't really make sense to me at first til he explained that people who are shy are afraid of rejection, cus it'll hurt their pride. I never thought if it that way....& I really don't. Cus most of the time, unless circumstances won't allow me, I'm usually a shy person. *Dum dum dum* But like I said, I can be outgoing-ish when i want to. Ugh. I'm so upset with myself cus I think I scared him off or something. It's so weird cus I know it would never work out between us two, but somewhere else in my mind I believe it could possibly happen. Everyone around me is telling me to drop you cus you bein a jerk, but i just can't. Look at that. We're not even together & I'm already stressin'. Maybe in reality, we really just can't work out....:(

I had a dream one night that you had died...& I couldn't stop crying. I really don't know what I'd do if I knew you were gone. I wouldn't have much to live for. You always made me look forward to going to school last yeear. I shoulda taken advantage of the time that you were actually here. I just wasted my time with another guy that really wasn't worth my time. I wish I could just go back in time and change that all. That guy wasn't worth anything. He was just a rebound from the other guy that I really fell for: well, yennow, after you of course. :) But I got over him & the rebound. I just can't get over you. After 5 freakin' years. I just can't. No matter how full of yourself you can get, or how you lamely tease me, I still love you. I can't get you out of my mind. Being one year older, I'm tryna be another year more mature about who I choose to give my heart to. Really, truly, not tryna be cheesy, but I wanna give my heart to you. It's a matter of if you want to accept it. Been standing there: waiting in rain or shine, snow or sleet, I've been waiting. For 5 years. That takes some real energy & dedication. & I'm putting it all in cus for some reason, I have this strange hope that you might finally answer the door and accept me. Not cus I'm athletic. or smart. or pretty. Just being plain ol' klutzy, weirdo me. Well,right now, I don't like anyone at school, mostly focusing on schoolwork & grades and college and stuff. But no one else matches up to you. Serious. No joke. It's like my heart is waiting for you to come back or somethin. But of course you won't. You're at a prestigious college miles away. I really wish I told you. But now is just the wrong time. We barely even talk as much as we used to anymore, and I can't get the courage to call you: even though your number's right there on my phone. When I first saw you 5 years ago, right when I stepped through that door, my eyes instantly focused towards you. It was hella strange, I know. I was so heartbroken when I was kinda forced by my mom to leave, cus I thought I would never see you again. But fate has its ways. It gave me an opportunity, but I didn't take advantage of it. It was nice talking every single day in Maui by text, but it was funny cus we were like, ILL TALK TO YOU AFTER I GET BACK! but we ended up talking everyday of my trip. Haha :) Good times. Good times never last tho. After that, you kinda disappointed by cancelling on me, but I got over it. I dont know what happened, if someone told you something or what not, but then you stopped talking & responding to me. I just don't know. Did I scare you off or something? I really just wanna be friends now. This crush thing is kinda over. This happens EVERYTIME with any guy I've had feelings for. i'm too nice to break it off, so I let you guys ignore me and leave me heartbroken. Yup. that's the story of my life. Well, you're never ever gonna read this, so I'm just gonna stop here, kay? Love you lots <3 Always have; always will xoxoxo ~written @ the spur of the moment by ME =)

Untitled. Cus it wants to stay untitled.

I make this solemn promise to you:

To be your lover when you need to be loved,
your doctor when you are ill,
your army when you go to war,
your umbrella when life rains down on you,
your rock when you get weary,
your shield when you need defense,
your spirit when you are drained,
your pillow when you need to rest,
your voice when no one can hear you,
your ear when no one will listen,
your comfort when you feel pain,
your hero when you are under duress,
your sunshine when darkness falls,
your answer when questions arise,
your inspiration to overcome obstacles,
your hand to hold when you are frightened,
your kiss that wakes you everyday,
and your "I love you" each and every night.

When I was little,
I had a lush dream,
That one day I find
And marry a Queen.

She'd sit by my side,
Up there on our throne,
With princes and princesses
So we're never alone.

I can honestly say,
My dream has come true
And you'd never believe
Just how much I love you.

I may not be king
And you may not be queen
But together we're perfect
Just like in my dream.

My love for you is like a red, red rose,
It started as a seed but it’s grown and grown.
Its roots reach deep down inside of my chest,
And it grows even more with each passing breath.
The delicate petals lay beautiful and pure,
All the doubts that I’ve had you have since cured.
For all the thorns that this proud rose bears,
They are all softened by the thought of your care.
Soon the rose grows old and withers and dies,
But the love that helped grow it will last for all time.

The sun sets
Upon the golden sand
We sit together
Hand in hand

We gently embrace
And look into each other's eyes
I wonder if you are
An angel in disguise

You hold me
Like there's no tomorrow
I suddenly forget
The past sorrow

I kiss your soft lips
And you kiss mine
I never knew
Loving someone could be this fine

You pick me up
And carry me to our room
Oh how a love can blossom
And a heart can bloom.

Your touch is so gentle
But your hands so strong
How could a love like this
Ever go wrong?

My heart is beating
200 times a minute
Because my love
You are in it

The sound of your heartbeat
All through the night
We fall asleep in each other's arms
And wake to the morning light.

I look into your eyes
And this is when
I say "Thank You"
For teaching me to love again.

It's perfect, and touches me deep
First thing in the morning, when I hear you speak
And last thing at night as you bid me sweet dreams
The brush of your lips lets me know what you mean

And all of the hours that pass through the day
Those spent together and when you're away
I think of you always, imagine your touch
Think how to show you, I love you so much

So when we're apart, and you long for me near
Just try to remember, you're already here
For deep in my heart, where no one can see
You'll be forever, together we'll be

That morning whisper
A gentle kiss
A suspended moment
Of perfect bliss

That precious feeling
As eyes first meet
Bodies entwined
In sleepy heat

Fingers touching
Breath as one
Hearts in rhythm
We greet the sun

Content, in truth
Just to be
Simply enjoying
You and me

Love is patient, love is kind,
And what our loves express is true.
No amount of tragedy can tear
Or break the love I have for you.

Time has healed our many wounds,
But has not erased the memory.
But we'll hold on, we'll stay together.
We will get through this, you and me.

Though we are young and still learning
About ourselves, our world today,
In my heart, I'll always love you,
And in my heart you'll always stay.

As days go by, as time progresses,
We will change, mature, and always grow.
But as we grow, as we reminisce,
There is one thing I will always know.

My love for you will never falter,
Never cease, for it's always true.
With love comes patience, but it's worth the wait,
To share my unending love with you.

I know you're going crazy,
I've been there too.
I can see how the weight is making your knees bend,
Let me take some of it from you.
Don't keep yourself closed off,
I am here for you to open up and let go.
There is so much you can't forget or forgive,
Let me help you cope, we can work things out together.
I hear the pain in your voice,
You need me now.
Don't worry, I'll move heaven and hell to get there.
You can't talk, you won't talk about it,
I understand.
Put your worries in my hands.
Lay your head down,
And believe that I will do anything to stop your tears.
You're ready to give up, you've stopped,
I want to be able to give you the strength to keep going.
Link arms with me, Let's move on,
As one living, breathing, loving, being.
Know that you can put faith in me.
I will be your rock, I will be your dwelling,
I am here with you, for you always.

I had closed the door upon my heart
And wouldn't let anyone in,
I had trusted and loved only to be hurt
But, that would never happen again.

I had locked the door and tossed the key
As hard, and as far as I could,
Love would never enter there again,
My heart was closed for good.

Then you came into my life
And made me change my mind,
Just when I thought that tiny key
was impossible to find.

That's when you held out your hand
And proved to me I was wrong,
Inside your palm was the key to my heart...
You had it all along.

If you could see inside my soul
see inside my heart
you would know how I long for you
whenever we're apart

If you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know how I cherish you
how much you mean to me

In all the ways you comfort me
the way you hold me near
the way you know just what to do
to chase away my fear

The sparkle in your beautiful eyes
your smile, laugh, your touch
are just a few of many reasons
I love you oh so much

Knowing I can talk to you
about any and everything
and knowing together we will get
through whatever life may bring

I could search the whole world over
and this I know is true
I would never find another love
like the love I found with you

Though with each new day, each sunrise
we can't know what's in store
there is one thing I know for sure
each day I love you more

So if you could see inside my head
if thoughts were things to see
you would know I blessed I feel
to have you here with me

Words twist and tumble
Through my mind
But I can't grab the right word
Or the right line
So we sit
In silence
But it’s not uncomfortable
In fact I love it
You rest your head on my chest
As we lay here
Lovers entwined
Hearts tangled
You raise your head
And look into my eyes
And I see our love
Almost as if it’s a real force
I don’t ever want to lose this moment
You lay your head on my chest once again
And now I can feel your heartbeat
And my hearts skips
And I finally find the words I’m looking for
I love you

Cinderella

I’m standing on the stairs in a magnificent hall
Wearing the dress that I bought for the ball
It’s long and flowing, sparkling white
My tiara of diamonds shines in the light

At the bottom of the stairs you’re waiting for me
And I gracefully float down for all to see
You take my hand and touch my face
You’re the only one I notice in the expansive space

We’re now dancing in shadows of flickering light
Holding each other close, holding each other tight
You kiss my neck and then touch my face
Then kiss my lips in a loving embrace

Time stands still whilst we are together
Feels so good, it seems like forever
I look at the clock, that cannot be right
But the bells start to chime, confirming midnight

But there’s no need to leave
From the ball tonight
I’ll be with you my prince
For the rest of our life.


I used to dream of eyes so blue
And loving arms to hold me.
I used to dream of heroic knights
And how gracious they would be.

I used to dream of how I wouldn’t settle
For anything less than best.
I used to dream of how he would majestically
Lay all fears to rest.

I used to dream of fairy tales,
How wondrous would they be
I used to dream of story books
All patterned after me.

I used to dream of a lot of things,
But the moment I met you,
I immediately stopped dreaming,
Because all of my dreams came true.


I gazed in your eyes,
Such a beautiful blue;
My heart whispered to me,
And that’s right when I knew;
The waves had ceased crashing,
On the sand at our feet;
Time had stopped passing,
My search was complete;
I finally discovered,
What I'd known all along;
A mystery uncovered,
That just couldn't be wrong;
It wasn't our first kiss,
Nor' the day that we met;
But I realized something,
I will never forget;
With the stars shining brightly,
From high up above;
I'd one word to describe it,
That word, is love.
I knew then these feelings,
For my sweetheart were true;
The man of my dreams,
And my soulmate, is you.
I think of it every time,
That I look at the stars;
This memory is mine,
But that moment was ours.


When first I looked into your eyes
each breath became a thousand sighs.
My heart drummed out a thunder beat
I glowed with joy from head to feet.
The hand of love had touched my soul,
as the bell of destiny began to toll.
The tide of love began to rise,
the world was filled with summer skies.
My sodden clouds of cold and grey
glowed with gold, then wisped away.
A brilliant rainbow arched across,
as waves of love began to toss.
The air was filled with lovebird cries,
when I first looked into your eyes.

When I first looked into your eyes,
all time and space were paralyzed
And in that instant, I was shown
a universe I had never known.
I dwell there still, in Paradise,
when I look into your eyes.

You make me feel special,
You make me feel new,
You make me feel loved,
With everything you do.

You hold me close when I am sad.
You wipe the tears from my face.
Every time we are together,
It seems like the perfect place.

My eyes light up when you enter a room.
I smile when we are together.
No matter how bad things are,
You always make them better.

I love the way you kiss me,
The way you hold me tight.
I love the way you touch me,
I could be with you all night.

I love the way you can make me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
I love how no matter what I do,
You will be there to catch me when I fall.

I just want you to know,
That even though we sometimes fight,
I will always love you!
No matter what, day or night.

You're the thought that starts each morning,
The conclusion to each day.
You are in all that I do,
And everything I say.

You're the smile on my face,
The twinkle in my eye.
The warmth inside my heart,
The fullness in my life.

You're the hand that's laced in mine,
And the coat upon my back.
My friend, my love,
My shoulder to lean on.

You're my silly, mature, caring,
Thoughtful, bright, and honest guy.
The one who holds me tightly,
When I need to cry.

You're the dimple in my cheek,
The ever-constant tingle in my soul.
The voice that makes me weak,
The happiness of my life.

You are all I've wanted,
You are all I need.
You are all I've dreamed of,
You are all of this to me.

As I wake by your side,
My feelings for you I can not hide,
I touch your face in the morning light,
Being with you just feels so right

You make me feel like I'm a queen,
Like being inside an awesome dream,
Although this is real, that I know,
As the love that surrounds us continues to grow

I think of what the future holds...
Marriage, children, us growing old,
And as I lay, with you dear,
I'm just so glad you're mine, you're here.

Take my hand this way we'll go,
Said the man above,
I'll take you to a place of joy,
Where you will find true love,

If you let go, go on your own,
But mistakes you will make,
For many other ways there are,
Which you are sure to take,

When you feel that you are lost,
All you have to do is pray,
And I'll be there once again,
To help you on your way,

I did pray and just as said,
He shined his light from above,
That showed me the way down the golden path,
That led me to your love.


I think that I might fly away, in my hot air balloon,
And hide from worldly worries on the dark side of the moon;
There’s but one thing I need before I float into the blue:
I need a sky companion and I want it to be you.

We’ll fly beyond the storm clouds and we’ll watch from up above,
I’ll cover you in rainbows as we feel each others’ love;
You’ll shower in the stars at midnight in our special place,
I’ll dry you with a comet’s tail and kiss your beaming face.

Dreamy drifting panorama, changing every day,
Every night your loving smile will be my milky way,
The moon will wane before us, sailing there in heaven’s height,
For nothing else can challenge our love’s everlasting light.

Venus shining on us, glowing soft at our devotion,
Our daily drifting dalliance in love’s celestial ocean,
I’ll write you lovers’ poetry, and you will be my muse,
Orion and Andromeda will oversee our cruise.

We’ll sleep with clouds as pillows, maybe steal an angel’s wings,
Then fly as magic lovebirds, or slide round Saturn’s rings,
And should we tire of drifting and the stars all floating by,
We’ll hook onto a meteor and soar across the sky.

Will you consent to be my mate on our celestial ship?
I’m ready, heart all packed with love, to last us for the trip,
Take my hand and step aboard, we’re heading for the sun,
We’re flying till we find the place where our two souls are one.