Are we just having an off day or is this just going to be a regular thing?

Is it, that everytime I want to speak my mind, that when you read it, things just get awkward, tense, and serious between us? I realize that everytime we're going through some tough times, and you ask me, "Are you busy tomorrow afterschool?" I just want to cry because that just sounds like that's the perfect time you want to break up with me. Sorry, my insecurities are eating me alive. I just can't focus on anything when your words can't leave my mind. Despite the simplicity of those blunt phrases, they leave a huge imprint on my mind. Somedays, I just want to escape from it all. Drive down to Socal, party it up, have a fling whatever. Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship yet. Not emotionally mature enough. Besides, if I stick with the same guy forever, I'll never have fun or I'm just depriving myself of the experience that I want before I get tied down and committed. I'm always complaining about how my mom is always depriving me of the teenage lifestyle I want, but these are the decisions I can make on my own. Fuck, for being so immature.